I've interviewed moms with five or more children – here's what I've learned in regards to the women who silently go against the grain

Commenters link America's Declining Birth Rate on numerous aspects: lack of support for moms within the workplace, expensive child care, delayed marriage and a rising cost of living.

But what in regards to the women within the United States who, despite these obstacles, bucked the trend and managed to have all the kids they wanted?

I count myself on this camp: I even have eight children of my very own. But I desired to find out how other American women were capable of achieve their fertility goals. That's why I made a decision to talk over with a few of them starting in 2019 the 5% of US women who’ve five or more children.

My current book “Hannah's Children: The Women Who Silently Defy the Hardship of Childbirth“, is a report on what I learned.

The fertility gap

In April 2024, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the agency that counts annual births in America, released its findings preliminary estimate of the entire variety of babies born in 2023.

With 1.62 expected children per woman – down from 3.8 in 1957 – the birth rate is lower than ever before because the government began tracking it within the Nineteen Thirties. Americans simply don't have enough children to exchange themselves.

Studies have shown that this could occur without sufficient immigration to offset the loss will cause the population to shrinkwhich in turn can result in this economic stagnation, political instability And social fragmentation. But declining birth rates are accompanied by one other worrying pattern: the so-called “fertility gap”..”

The gap refers back to the indisputable fact that Women report intimately having fewer children than they’d intended after they were young. In the USA, women say that about 2.5 children is right and that they realistically plan to have about 2.0 children. They find yourself with 1.62, which leaves a niche of about 0.4 to 0.9 children.

This discrepancy exists mainly because they’re women Getting married later than ever before in history – for the typical American woman, about 28 years old – which has shifted backwards The average age for the birth of the primary child is 30 years.

Despite the rosy rhetoric of Influencers promote a child-free lifeThis fertility gap could be a big problem – especially for girls.

have children Usually it’s more essential for girls's happiness than men'sAnd Women are generally more affected by childlessness.

So low birth rates will not be only a crisis for societies and economies. They tell a deeply personal story Women will not be achieving their motherhood goals.

Against the trend

Motivated by these circumstances, I interviewed 55 women with five or more children who lived in all parts of the United States, from the Pacific Northwest to the Carolinas to New England. Their homes were positioned in diverse socioeconomic areas, including affluent, middle-class, and low-income zip codes. Some of them worked full-time, some were part-time, and a few didn't work in any respect. Their husbands had blue-collar jobs, white-collar jobs, and every little thing in between.

What they’d in common was religious faith – they belonged to Jewish, Catholic, Latter-day Saint, evangelical and Protestant communities. They also tended to value having a big family over other things they might do with their time, talents, and money.

One woman I spoke to, a mother of 5 named Leah, has no regrets about having a big family. (The names utilized in my book are pseudonyms consistent with best practices and federal regulations protecting human subjects in academic research.)

“I think our culture really values ​​the kind of very rigid perception of success and has started to devalue a mother's contribution to society,” she told me. “It's almost radical and feminist to say that my contribution is healthy, well-balanced children. Coming from a divorced family, that was a big motivation for me to choose this life: family unity takes precedence over career and personal identity.”

The women who bucked this trend weren’t necessarily wealthier and didn’t appear to face lower birth costs. Rather, they believed that children were a blessing from God and the important purpose of their marriage. As Leah told me, “Every child brings a divine gift into the world that no one else can.”

Most of them ended up having more children because they valued having a big family a lot. They didn't plan their family size with other life goals in mind – they planned other life goals with having children in mind. And the very high approval they gave to having children ordered their priorities in order that they were more more likely to marry and have children, at the same time as they reached skilled and financial milestones.

Profits and losses

This was known before I began studying Women who’ve an above-average number of youngsters go to church more often.

The reason for this was less understood. Most churches today don’t prohibit using contraceptives in marriage. None of the ladies in my sample reported having a big family because they believed family planning was fallacious.

The economic theories The 1986 Nobel Prize winner James Buchanan helped me see the ladies I interviewed as rational actors like all other women—fairly than as blind followers of spiritual dogma.

According to Buchanan, people evaluate the gains and losses of the selections they make. Anything that adds value to an approach determines this alternative. Incentives shouldn’t have to be monetary. They can arise from ideas and beliefs, including religious values.

Conversely, anything that diminishes the worth of a plan of action makes it less likely. Disincentives may be monetary in nature, comparable to the worth of a very good. But the prices of missing out on other things may be much more significant.

Mother and five children on the beach.
Only 5% of American women have five or more children.
Cavan Images/Getty Images

The tip of the scales

Regardless of whether the ladies I interviewed were wealthy or poor, when deciding to have one other child, they often cited the prices of not having one.

When they decided to have more children, they gave up or abandoned hobbies, careers, alone time, and financial status—not to say eight hours of sleep an evening.

They haven’t reported that they don’t value this stuff. They felt the pain of being misunderstood, overwhelmed and limited of their work opportunities.

What stood out within the interviews was how much value they placed on having one other child. They achieved a better number of youngsters because they’d something on the opposite side of the dimensions that weighed greater than the losses.

A mother named Esther put it best: “The three great blessings we talk about in Judaism are children, good health, and financial livelihood.” I don't feel like you possibly can ever have an excessive amount of of that. These are blessings. They are God’s expression of goodness.”

To clear the way in which

Based on these findings, my interviews revealed how the moms in my sample managed to face up to the country's declining birth rate and fertility gap.

First, they consciously sought marriage because having a big family was so essential to them. They selected colleges, churches, and social institutions where others prioritized marriage, which increased the probabilities of finding a partner in time to have children.

Second, they searched for partners who also desired to have plenty of children. One mother, a devout Catholic, told us that in college she had fallen in love with a Protestant man who wanted a big family. She had known what she wanted from her life partner.

Eventually, the ladies who bridged the fertility gap adjusted their careers to align with their childbearing goals. They didn't attempt to push their children around skilled milestones. Therefore, they tended to decide on careers that were more flexible, comparable to teaching, nursing, graphic design, or running a small business from home.

Although not all Americans share the religious beliefs that motivated the ladies in my study, lessons from understanding their motivations might be of enormous value to the tens of millions of young Americans who need to turn into moms.

image credit : theconversation.com