DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently moved to a brand new city. We have great neighbors and I actually have made friends here and developed close relationships with a number of the women. My husband hasn't made any friends.
When I need to have a while with my friends, he gets offended and accuses me of not wanting him around and of shutting him out of my life. I just can't appear to get him to know that girls need girl time for our own mental health and it's not about him.
Help please!
DEAR SAD: Most women need friends, so please don't isolate yourself to appease your husband.
If he thinks that hanging out with you and your pals is filling the gaps in his social life, he needs a wake-up call. Whether or not you would like him to be around for these visits, it’s best to consider the opposite women's feelings.
Did your husband have male friends in your previous city? I don't suspect why he might still be so depending on you now.
Unless he's willing to place in the hassle, you won't have the ability to resolve his social problems. It might be helpful to encourage him to develop hobbies and interests of his own, and volunteering in your latest community could help him meet other men with whom he can bond. Please suggest it.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I actually have been married for 10 years, together for 12. We haven’t any children together, but I actually have 4 from a previous marriage. Two are grown and have moved out; two are still at home and in highschool.
When we got together, my husband immediately took on the role of stepfather and have become an exquisite stepfather. He has all the time been a provider, a listener, an advisor, a friend, etc. He is the epitome of an awesome father and husband. My family loves him and I like him with all my heart.
There is only one small problem that has reoccurred throughout our marriage.
Abby, he told me several years ago that he had quit smoking marijuana, but over time I've often caught him sneaking around doing it. When I ask him about it, he lies to my face and insists he doesn't. I don't ask unless I've seen it or found something somewhere.
We live in a state where recreational use is legal, so it's not the smoking that actually bothers me, it's the lying.
I don't participate so I suppose I don't understand, but how can I make him understand that I want his honesty with me? I can't stand being lied to, especially about something so silly.
Dear MIFFED: Your husband could also be lying because he knows what you consider his smoking and since he desires to avoid conflict.
There is hardly a simpler method to undermine trust than to do what he allegedly did. That's why it's vital that you simply each speak about his marijuana smoking, either at home or on the office of a licensed family therapist.
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