Dear Amy: I’m a divorced mother in my early 30s and have sole custody of my 8-year-old child.
We talked about getting married. He has never been married (no children) and I’m gun shy to say the least.
I own my house, my son is pleased and I attempt to be extremely careful about our future.
Last week Ben took me out for a drink. He said he had something vital to inform me. He confessed that he was nearly $20,000 in debt. He said he was trying hard to repay his debts but wasn't making much progress.
I actually have a stable and successful profession. I’m extremely financially responsible and have already began saving for my son's college education.
Ben seems underemployed. He is a relaxed, funny person. He said the debt got here from buying a automotive and a recent ski vacation he took with some friends.
I feel extremely uncomfortable now. I'm wondering if Ben expects me to repay his debts through the use of a few of the equity in my house. He hasn't asked me anything specific and I'm unsure the best way to feel or respond.
Your wisdom?
Dear responsible person: Are you able to be a parent to each Ben and your son? Because his decision to burden you with this with out a concrete plan of motion appears to be an attempt in your part to take this upon yourself.
People who’ve numerous consumer debt and proceed to spend money sometimes try to unravel their problem by simply passing it on to another person.
I suggest you’re taking this conversation to the following level. Demand full transparency and documentation. I feel it's reasonably likely that more debt will arise once he opens his books.
Don't get married, don't mess up your funds, and don't save him. He must show a concerted commitment to repay these debts on his own. He is a grown, single man who has no people to support. He could sort this out in lower than two years, but to achieve this he would need to make some big changes.
Dear Amy: My husband and I actually have a 4-year-old son and I’m pregnant with our second child, due in two months.
Lately our son has been leaving his room and crawling into bed with us. He's been doing this commonly for the past 12 months, but now it's almost every night.
I took him back to his room, but I'm quite physically uncomfortable getting in and away from bed.
I'm wondering what you’re thinking that we must always do.
Dear who loses sleep: Leaving your individual bed and climbing to a parent's home is kind of common for kids of this age. Sometimes they don't even seem fully awake when their tracking device leads them to their parents' bed.
Your son also experiences your pregnancy like a toddler – with a mixture of fear and excitement. You can expect that he may regress a bit before and after the birth of his sibling.
The most blatant answer is that your husband takes on this nightly task to supply some closeness and luxury to your son while he puts him back to bed.
Otherwise, you’ll be able to do what many parents have done and construct a “nest” for him in your room, with a sleeping bag and pillow.
Continue to place him to bed in his own bed, and when he is available in at night, tell him that Mommy and Daddy need their sleep and he can either return to his room or curl up in his nest until morning.
Use the previous couple of weeks of your pregnancy to snuggle as much as your son. Don't overdo it with, “You're a big boy now,” but be sensitive to his needs, answer his questions on your pregnancy, understand that he could also be scared, and offer him loads of comfort and love.
I used to be annoyed that you simply described him as “a nice old man who she doesn't know very well.” He's her grandfather!
Dear annoyance: “Grandfather” is a job this man has to grow into. So far he's not doing a very good job.
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