I finally told my husband in regards to the secret payments

DEAR ABBY: Over the course of 12 years, my husband and I even have given greater than $400,000 as a down payment to our adult daughter and her husband, each now of their mid-40s.

Recently my daughter pestered me with the words “Good grandparents/parents help their children” and wanted extra money from me.

I finally told my husband about my cheating and he’s incredibly forgiving. He understands that I even have insecurity issues and worry about losing the love of my daughter and phone with our grandchildren.

Two years ago, our daughter told us that due to our “difficult personalities,” she needed boundaries and my husband and I were only allowed to go to her one week a yr (they live 3,000 miles away). This was a shock because my husband had taken care of our grandchildren from the time they were born until they moved away when the kids were 4 and 6. We had traveled with them and thought we were close.

Given all this, I told my daughter that I felt manipulated and gave them two months' notice that I’d stop making monthly payments.

She has now cut off contact with us – blocked all phones and social media. I’m devastated. I feel hopeless and am searching for counseling. I can't shake the sensation that it's my fault. What do you’re thinking that?

BLOCKED: Your only “mistake” is that you just gave a dollar of cash to your manipulative and ungrateful daughter and hid it out of your husband.

You can't make someone love you by buying their affection. (It's either there or it isn't.) As you may see now, that attempt was fruitless.

Your daughter is making the most of your love for the grandchildren to punish you for not shelling out more. (And she thinks you might have a “difficult personality”? Wow!)

I’m so glad that you just are discussing this sad situation with a licensed mental health skilled. It is the surest way I do know to stop blaming yourself and regain your emotional balance.

DEAR ABBY: I even have a friend who, each time we ate out and a waiter tried to take her empty plate away from her however the others round her had not finished eating, would hold out her hand to stop the waiter from taking her plate.

I only told her this once, despite the fact that we’ve been friends for 30 years. What do you’re thinking that?

LOVE FOOD: I don't think your friend is being rude. According to Emily Post, if a waiter clears someone's plate away before everyone has finished eating, it could possibly give the impression that those that are still eating are holding up work, and those that are finished can feel like they rushed the meal.

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