You can't understand your teenager's behavior? Psychologists give suggestions

Slamming doors, tantrums, unexpected crying, and one-sided conversations on the dinner table. If these are common occurrences in your household, you're probably raising a teen.

Teenagers are sometimes perceived as spoiled brats who’ve little to no control over their emotions. And while many parents see this as unnecessary anxiety or rebel, these could possibly be signs that the kid is scuffling with anxiety.

“It's so overwhelming and so powerful that you're really just stuck in the storm. Fear has taken control of your mind and body,” said Natasha Riard, a lecturer in clinical psychology and head of a psychology clinic at James Cook University Singapore.

“The person who is afraid wants the fear to stop, and the parent who is watching wants it to stop. But once the panic attack starts, it is like a train that has left the station and will not stop until it reaches the next one. The journey between these stations is the experience of the attack,” Riard explained.

Parents may not at all times know learn how to help their children once they are anxious or about to have an anxiety attack. And methods which have worked prior to now may now not be helpful when teens face recent challenges, psychologists say.

Here you could find out how parents can higher recognize their children's anxiety symptoms – and get recommendations on how they may help their little ones.

Regardless of age, people who are suffering from anxiety react to stressful situations with the characteristics of fight, flight, freeze or dive. This is what psychologists say.

They told CNBC that essentially the most common reactions are flight and freezing, where people show signs of panic and begin crying or shaking, and even freeze and distance themselves from the difficulty by staying silent and isolating themselves.

“When you have a panic attack, you may be completely freaked out by what is happening to you. Your perception of reality may be altered, and that can be a very frightening experience,” warns Eli Lebowitz, co-director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Program on the Yale Child Study Center.

Like adults, adolescents also show a fight response when afraid, which might often be misinterpreted as tantrums or aggression.

“Parents need to think about what it means when their children slam doors and scream. Could it be that they are afraid of something?” Riard said, stressing that that is just one other expression of fear.

Psychologists said they’ve also observed a so-called fawn response in children, through which they suffer from “high-functioning” anxiety and manage to hold on with their every day lives despite their poor mental health.

“Young people often hide how they are feeling and do their best to pretend everything is OK in a chaotic situation by acting busy. What you see in their face or behavior may not necessarily be what is really going on,” says Lisa Coloca, psychologist and director of the Melbourne-based Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community.

Yale University's Lebowitz said parents should search for shortness of breath, stiffness of the body and a change in skin tone, amongst other symptoms. Although an anxiety attack could seem frightening and uncontrollable, it shouldn’t be dangerous and oldsters mustn’t “freak out,” he added.

1. Validate their feelings

According to experts, parents are sometimes guilty of downplaying their children's problems and emotions – and sometimes even dismissing them.

“Stop using your adult brain on teen problems. Telling them 'everything will be OK' isn't going to help them because it doesn't feel good to them in the moment,” said Michelle Savage, one other psychologist and director of the Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community.

When children come to their parents with their worries, reassurance shouldn’t be at all times the answer.

“From a parent's perspective, we want to protect our children from the pain. But the alternative solution is to use it as an opportunity to allow your child to express their feelings and fears and to listen,” said Riard of James Cook.

Parents must also bear in mind that children don’t at all times want advice, but often just wish to feel seen and heard.

“Affirming that your child is anxious won't make him more anxious. It will make him feel understood and he'll be more likely to talk to you about it in the future,” says Lebowitz of Yale University, who can be the writer of “Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD.”

“Parents should strive to convey messages to their children that combine both acceptance and recognition of the child's genuine fear or distress and confidence in the child's ability to cope with that distress,” he added, explaining that it will help construct trust and step by step reduce a baby's dependence on their parents.

2. Share personal experiences

When a baby or teenager is afraid, it often helps to know that they usually are not alone.

By sharing personal stories from similar situations, they realize that they’ll overcome the adversities they face.

“Parents need to normalize this and also talk about their own internal dialogue around fear, while being careful to maintain open and non-threatening communication,” Savage suggested.

For example, telling your child that you simply were nervous about your slides for an enormous presentation at work, but at the identical time reassuring them that you simply did your best, will help the kid feel seen and heard.

“It's very hard to teach your child to regulate and manage all of their emotions. If you can't do it yourself, then be prepared to talk about your emotions, and not just the positive ones,” Lebowitz said. “And start early, don't wait until your child is 15 to start.”

Speaking to CNBC, psychologists also stressed that oldsters mustn’t confront their children with “major and inappropriate” problems akin to financial difficulties or marital problems.

3. Timing is all the things

When a baby is anxious or in the course of an anxiety attack, the very last thing they need is advice on learn how to cope with it.

“Don't expect your child to be able to talk about it while he or she is gripped by really intense anxiety. You need to give him or her some time to calm down,” advises Lebowitz of Yale University.

Conversations about learn how to higher manage their emotions should happen beforehand, not in moments of fear. Psychologists recommend giving your child space, but in addition letting them know you might be nearby in the event that they need assistance.

“We often put a lot of pressure on children to self-regulate and use psychological strategies to help themselves. But in these moments, children and adolescents really need adults to work with them,” Riard said, explaining that oldsters may help their children turn out to be aware of their thoughts and feelings and the way these affect their behavior.