DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate and his girlfriend are at all times arguing and I at all times get caught in the midst of their arguments.
It's frustrating because I feel like I'm being forced to decide on a side although I don't wish to be there in any respect.
To make matters worse, I can't help but feel bad for his girlfriend because, frankly, my roommate is mistaken more often than not. He's selfish, disrespectful of her feelings, and stingy relating to sharing expenses or giving her a pleasant date.
I can see she's unhappy with how he treats her, but for some reason she stays with him.
The other day my roommate got here to me asking for advice about her relationship and I felt conflicted. On one hand, I would like to be honest with him and tell him that he's the issue, but I also don't wish to smash our friendship by being too blunt.
I've at all times tried to remain neutral and I've made it a rule not to present people advice about their relationships since it never ends well, but now I feel trapped because I do know he's within the mistaken. I feel guilty because I’m enabling his behavior by not saying anything.
Should I stay out of it and stick with my rule, or should I tell him the reality, even when it jeopardizes our friendship?
LOVE IN THE CENTER: Do your roommate a great conscience and talk over with him openly.
Tell him that you just've worked hard to remain out of his relationship because you already know it's none of what you are promoting, but since he's repeatedly asked you for advice, you may offer one thing: you think that he likes his girlfriend higher could treat. They realized that he may very well be more considerate, generous and type.
He may appreciate your openness. He may not have had positive role models to guide him toward loving, supportive behavior, so your insight may prove helpful to him.
However, proceed with caution and be gentle. You're right in the event you don't wish to be in the midst of his drama.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a school professor and noticed that one in every of my students in my class was having significant problems.
At first I believed it’d just be the fabric, but after observing her behavior and performance, I even have a robust feeling that it is expounded to aspects outside of the classroom. This student, who was once engaged and consistent, has begun turning in assignments late, missing class, and appearing distracted after they are present.
I've tried approaching them casually during class breaks or after lectures, but they don't seem willing to open up.
I don't wish to pry an excessive amount of or make them uncomfortable, but I feel chargeable for making a supportive environment where they feel comfortable searching for help after they need it.
As a professor, I'm unsure how far to go in addressing this topic. I would like to assist, but I also don't wish to overstep my boundaries or tackle an excessive amount of of their personal life.
Should I proceed to attempt to approach them or should I step back and allow them to come to me after they are ready?
Dear student in need: Try again by inviting the scholar to office hours. Ask how things are going. Express that this student's behavior patterns have modified and that you just noticed this and wanted to examine on it.
Find out if there’s anything you may do to support them right now. Offer to listen in the event that they wish to talk. Remind them that your door is at all times open.
Your department chair or dean could have additional insight into campus services that may benefit this troubled student.
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