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How do you define love? Is it a alternative or a sense? – Izzy, 11, Golden, Colorado
Love is confusing. People within the US google the word “love” over 1.2 million times a month. About 1 / 4 of those searches are: “what is love“ or request a “Definition of love.”
What is all this confusion about?
Neuroscience teaches us that love is influenced by certain Chemicals within the brainFor example, once you meet a special person, the hormones dopamine and noradrenaline trigger a reward response it makes you wish to see that person again. Like tasting chocolate, you wish more.
Your feelings are the results of these chemical reactions. In the presence of a crush or best friend, you might be more likely to feel excitement, attraction, joy, and affection. You glow after they walk into the room. Over time, chances are you’ll feel security and trust. The love between parent and child feels different, often a mixture of affection and care.
But are these feelings, brought on by chemical reactions in your brain, all that constitutes love? If so, then love appears to be something that mostly happens to you. You have as much control over falling in love as you do over by chance falling right into a hole – not much.
As a Philosopher who explores loveI’m all in favour of the various ways through which people have understood love throughout history. Many thinkers have believed that love is greater than just a sense.
More than a sense
The ancient Greek philosopher Plato believed that love could create feelings akin to attraction and pleasure which can be beyond our control. But these feelings are less essential than the loving relationships They decide to create lifelong bonds between individuals who help one another change and change into the perfect they might be.
Similarly, Plato’s student Aristotle held the view that relationships based on feelings akin to lust were widespread, but less good for humanity than Relationships based on goodwill and shared virtuesThe reason for that is that Aristotle believed that relationships based on feelings only last so long as the emotions last.
Imagine you begin a relationship with someone you will have little in common with, aside from that you simply each enjoy playing video games. If certainly one of you not enjoys gaming, the connection would not hold together. Since the connection is built on pleasure, it can fade once the pleasure is gone.
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Compare this to a relationship where you don't need to be together for some shared pleasure, but since you admire one another for who you might be. You want the perfect for one another. This sort of friendship, built on shared virtues and goodwill, will last for much longer. These sorts of friends will support one another as they modify and grow.
Both Plato and Aristotle believed that love is greater than just a sense. It is a bond between individuals who admire one another and due to this fact decide to support one another over an extended time frame.
Maybe love isn't completely out of your control in any case.
Celebrate individuality and “stand for love”
Contemporary philosopher J. David Velleman also believes that love might be separated from “the preferences and desires“ that include it – those butterflies in your stomach. Because love shouldn’t be just a sense. It is a special form of attention that celebrates an individual's individuality.
Velleman says Dr. Seuss described what it means to have a good time an individual's individuality thoroughly when he wrote, “Come on! Open your mouth and shout to the heavens! Shout at the top of your lungs: 'I AM ME! ME! I AM ME!'” When you’re keen on someone, you have a good time them since you appreciate the “I AM ME” that they’re.
You may improve in love. Social psychologist Erich Fromm thinks that love is a Skill that requires practice: what he calls “being in love”. When you might be in love, you behave in a certain way towards an individual.
Just as you learn to play an instrument, you can even change into higher at loving with patience, focus and discipline. Because love also requires other skills like attentive listening and presence. As you improve these skills, you can even change into higher at loving.
If that's the case, then love and friendship are different from the emotions that accompany them. Love and friendship are bonds which can be formed through skills that one desires to practice and improve.
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Does this mean that you may be in love with someone you hate or force yourself to be in love with someone you will have no feelings for in any respect?
Probably not. Philosopher Virginia Held explains the difference between perform an activity and take part in an exercise than simply performing some work versus performing some work while enforcing values and norms.
Compare a math teacher who mechanically solves an issue on the board with a teacher who provides students with an in depth explanation of the answer. The mechanical teacher performs the activity – presents the answer – while the engaged teacher participates within the classroom practice. The engaged teacher implements good teaching values and standards, for instance, by making a fun learning environment.
Loving in the identical way is a practice. It shouldn’t be only a set of activities that one performs. Truly loving means doing those activities while living loving values and norms akin to empathy, respect, vulnerability, honesty and, if Velleman is true, celebrating an individual for who they are surely.
How much control do you will have over love?
Is love more of a sense or a call?
Think about what happens once you break up with someone or lose a friend. If you understand love only by way of the emotions it creates, the moment those feelings disappear, change, or are placed on hold by something like a move or a brand new school, love is over.
On the opposite hand, if love is a bond you select and practice, it takes far more than the disappearance of feelings or changes in life to finish it. You or your boyfriend is probably not together for a number of days, or chances are you’ll move to a brand new city, but love can remain.
If this understanding is correct, then love is something you will have more control over than it may appear. Loving is a practice. And like every practice, it involves activities you’ll be able to do – or not do – like spending time together, listening, and being present. In addition, practicing love involves implementing the appropriate values, like respect and empathy.
While chances are you’ll not give you the chance to manage the emotions that include love, the way in which you’re keen on someone is basically in your hands.
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