The story of each Jewish couple begins long before the marriage – and this also applies to the celebration of their life together.

Anita Diamond, the prolific author and Jewish feminist activistbegins her book “The Jewish wedding today” with a simple statement: “Under Jewish law, the necessities for a kosher wedding might be summed up in a number of words: A bride accepts from the groom an item value greater than ten cents; the groom recites a ritual formula to consecrate the transaction; the actions are witnessed by two individuals who will not be related to either the bride or the groom. That is all.”

But an actual Jewish wedding is rather more than that: there may be a before, a during and an after, and it varies greatly world wide.

To explore the experiences of Jewish women with their wedding, I even have written in my latest book “100 Jewish brides”, jointly published with Fellow sociologist Barbara Vinickfeatures accounts from Jewish brides – or their relatives, friends or clergy – from nearly 100 different countries. The authors typically begin with experiences that took place long before the marriage, specifically how, when and where they met the person they might marry. Many Jews consider there may be one person on earth who’s destined to be their partner, their “beshert.” Brides also hear wedding stories from a young age that they’re wanting to fulfill.

A very essential theme within the brides' stories are each religious and secular customs before the marriage.

The Mikveh Party

Religious Jews prepare their weddings in response to the foundations of Halacha, or Jewish law. These include practicing “Shomer Negiyah”” – not to the touch one another from the moment the couple meet until they stand under the chuppah, the marriage cover. The couple may additionally fast on the day of the marriage. Sir Jonathan Sacks, the late Chief Rabbi of the United Kingdomencouraged couples to make use of a number of the time before the marriage to attract up a prenuptial agreement to forestall future problems related to divorce.

The premarital commitment of Mikveh or Mikveh – when the naked bride is totally immersed in a basin of running water – is crucial for devout Jews and is develop into attractive to non-Orthodox Jewssince the mikveh basin was modernized. Immersion is so essential in Jewish history that a Jewish community must first construct a mikveh before it may construct some other constructing.

The bride's pre-marriage immersion has several meanings. The careful cleansing of her body symbolizes her purification for marriage and sexual intimacy and her approach to God. For some Jewish women, pre-marriage immersion may additionally mark the start of their monthly immersion in coordination with their menstrual cycle.

In our bookWomen from Greece, Israel, Mexico, Morocco, Pakistan, Uzbekistan and Yemen described their mikveh ceremony as each a celebratory spiritual experience and a bunch celebration.”“Leona”, an enthralling Mexican filmbegins with an extended section through which the soon-to-be-married bride swims underwater while her friends and relatives sit across the pool laughing and singing. The mikveh party brings the entire group together and passes the tradition on to the brides-to-be.

Zanet Battinou from Greece wrote about having her mikvah within the sea while her mother, mother-in-law, grandmother and friends sat on the beach. “My friends brought sweets to nibble on and my mother-in-law prepared the traditional basket of luxurious towels, perfume and bathroom items that every bride receives,” she recalled. “I saved the beautiful towels for my daughter to use one day, God willing. My mikvah was full of love, meaning and reverence. I will never forget it.”

The Henna Party

A second pre-wedding theme within the brides' stories was the secular henna party, through which guests and professionals apply temporary dye from the henna plant to the bride or bridegroom – and sometimes to the guests – to create intricate patterns on their hands and feet. Similar traditions are common in lots of North African, Middle Eastern and South Asian cultures and religions. Among Jews Henna parties are popular amongst Mizrahi and Sephardi families – those with roots within the Middle East and North Africa.

Rachel Jacobson sent us a story about her relatives' henna party for 500 people in Marrakech, Morocco. “The women wore beautiful kaftans and many of them changed clothes four or five times during the event,” she recalled. The bride and groom entered the room on thrones carried by 4 men while singers performed in French, Arabic and Hebrew.

The couple were showered with jewellery, the bride covered in gold and diamonds. Then a member of the family applied henna to the palms of all of the guests – men and girls – who wanted it, after which there was non-stop food and entertainment until the morning.”

Mixed marriages and conversion

“Jewish intermarriages around the world”, a book from 2009 I used to be co-editor of Demographer Sergio DellaPergolaexamined data from 13 countries. 100 years ago, most Jews lived in places where the speed of intermarriage was lower than 5%. Today, nonetheless, most Jews outside Israel live in countries where not less than one in three Jews marries a non-Jew.

As intermarriage became common, latest rituals emerged. Some ceremonies involve the services of each a rabbi and a priest of one other religion. In some cases, the non-Jewish partner may need to convert either before or after the marriage. This issue can result in hurtful or welcoming pre-wedding plans, depending on the extent to which the families are committed to the opposite religion and whether there have been any prior intermarriages.

Gabriela Fraenkel, a bride from Uruguay, wrote about her mixed marriageWhen she met her future husband Santiago, it was love at first sight.

“Santi,” as he was nicknamed, “was a Christian, but not a believer,” Gabriela wrote. “After a while, he started going to synagogue and to Jewish holidays with me. … A few months later, Santi told me he wanted to convert.” In Gabriela's community, conversion required a 12 months of instruction from a rabbi – and for men, a symbolic circumcision, the “Brit Mila.”

Their unplanned move—waiting a number of years to get married—may not sit well with most individuals, but for this couple, it became an important consider preserving “shalom bayit,” which translates from Hebrew as “domestic tranquility.”

A community is strengthened

What happens before a Jewish wedding depends upon how the couple defines their Jewish identity, if in any respect. It depends upon where the couple lives and the family's financial resources. And it depends upon which traditions the couple wants to incorporate or exclude.

Despite these diverse roots, the common result is similar: a strengthening of the Jewish community, a striking theme that permeates these stories. People come together and have a good time the couple and the institution of marriage. They are encouraged to comment on the bride's beauty and dance with unbridled joy. Even COVID-19 couldn’t prevent weddings. They simply modified from in-person to on Zoom.

Jewish weddings are greater than just reenactments of the past. Rather, they take the current into consideration and adapt to many various needs. When the actual ceremony is over, everyone in attendance breathes a sigh of relief because the couple steps on a glass and smashes it, shouting in unison: Le'Chayim! To life!