How extroverts irritate fellow travelers

My husband – a brooding New Yorker, polite and tolerant of many things – collapsed on the seventh day of our family vacation.

“She doesn’t stop talking,” he said.

The “she“ is my mother—a bubbly Midwestern woman—who can hold court in a room stuffed with strangers with the deftness of a small-town politician at a church picnic. Awkward silence has no probability – even in a crowded elevator.

But some people like silence. They make a living from it, said John Hackston, head of thought leadership at The Myers-Briggs Company.

That's considered one of many areas that may cause problems for travel companions on opposite ends of the introversion-extroversion spectrum, he said. Whether it's a spouse, best friends or acquaintances, travelers who spend long periods of time together often struggle to seek out a middle ground.

More than a decade of introversion advocacy—boosted by the publication of Susan Cain's “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking”—has helped many introverts accept and publicly embrace what drives them.

But the identical level of reflection didn't exist amongst extroverts, Hackston said.

“There has been less emphasis on extroverts' self-image,” Hackston said, because “Western society in particular tends to view extroversion as the right way to do things.”

As a result, many remain at the hours of darkness in regards to the impact they will have on those around them.

When it involves vacations, personality-related issues can start as early because the planning stages, Hackston said.

Because extroverts are inclined to draw energy from the surface world, many are drawn to certain varieties of vacations, comparable to cruises or trips with friends to an island with a vibrant nightlife, he said.

The problem, says Hackston, is that extroverts often assume that others think and feel the identical way they do. This can present itself in anything from an excessive amount of small talk at breakfast to putting too many plans – and never enough downtime – into your vacation schedule.

“They may want to keep going and partying when others don't want to,” he said, which in turn could make introverts feel like they need to take part.

The result’s a “spiral of dysfunction,” he said.

False assumptions may also cause extroverts to miss social cues, comparable to hints from a less-than-talkative airplane seatmate.

Conversely, extroverts are also known to misinterpret introverts' slower response times as either a scarcity of interest in a conversation or an invite to more conversation.

“When you talk to introverts, there’s this pause. You have to go in and think about what the answer is before it comes out,” Hackston said. “With extroverts, on the other hand, it comes back more directly.”

Without realizing it, extroverts often keep talking, repeating their questions and speaking louder to advance the conversation, not realizing that introverts never had the prospect to reply, he said.

Some cultures are perceived as more sociable, which may further complicate interaction while traveling, Hackston said.

“In the United States, there is a general assumption that if you talk to someone, they will respond. This is not the case in all cultures. In the UK that’s not really the case… in cultures like perhaps Japan it’s even less the case.”

Although he cautioned against stereotypes, he noted that southern Italians are considered more extroverted, while northern Europeans, particularly some Scandinavian countries, are considered more introverted.

It could also be difficult for travelers to differentiate foreigners' personality traits, but “Finns would recognize Finnish extroverts,” he said, even when “they all look like introverts to you.”

Hackston recommends travelers and their families take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment to higher understand one another.

“It opens people's eyes to the fact that – this is always a really stupid statement, but it's true – people are different and come from a different place,” he said.

“It's the realization that when your spouse, your partner or your family members try to do things differently than you are, they're not doing it to annoy you,” he said. “They do,” because that’s really where they arrive from.”

The Myers-Brigg type indicator also examines other features of individuals's personality. For example, the Judging and Perceiving framework assesses the best way people wish to be organized, Hackston said.

A “judging” extrovert will prefer a day stuffed with organized plans, while a “perceiving” extrovert will want an action-packed day that happens spontaneously — a difference that may result in major disagreements on vacation, he said.

“So it’s not just extroverts versus introverts. Sometimes extroverts are together,” he said.

Travelers like these could learn to structure future trips with set plans punctuated by gaps in time.

“It starts with being aware of who you are, recognizing who others are and finding a way to work together,” he said.

Family travel blogger Emma Morrell said she has managed to avoid lots of the private pitfalls that spoil others' trips by being careful about who she travels with.

“You have to know yourself and the people you travel with,” she said.

“I have some very good friends that I love very much, but we would never break up with,” she said. “Just because you're good friends doesn't mean you'll be good travelers.”