My younger sister and her husband have been a part of our lives because the starting and have never shown any signs of not accepting our relationship. We all traveled together and stayed at one another's houses.
A number of years ago we took them to our favourite vacation spot to renew their vows and in 2026 they need us to take them back for a milestone anniversary they’re celebrating. We would have liked to have done it.
We learned from other relations that my brother-in-law often demeans the LGBTQ+ community at parties. Although my sister doesn't participate, she doesn't query her husband about what he says.
We haven't experienced this personally, but I firmly consider it happens and won’t tolerate this sort of hate.
I'm uncomfortable just confronting her about it with second-hand information. If that's true, I don't wish to take her on vacation and potentially experience an unwanted personal confrontation if he were to say something intolerable.
Should I bring it up now or simply say nothing and make up an excuse why we are able to't go on this vacation together?
Dear in-laws: You write that you simply are absolutely convinced that your brother-in-law's derogatory comments are happening. I'm wondering why you think that and why you must proceed to have a detailed relationship with someone who you think is more likely to speak about you behind your back.
Was this information a surprise or did it confirm something you felt but didn't acknowledge?
Given what you've experienced up to now, it's unlikely that he'll say anything intolerable while on vacation with you. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't think and say derogatory things elsewhere; just that he's not a idiot. After all, you pay for his vacation. Nor does it prove that he thinks and says this stuff.
Hearsay and hunches will only cause confusion. So you have got to ask him directly what he thinks.
Then you have got to determine whether you think him. And that relies on the strength of your relationship.
This is a vulnerable situation. It's hard to should say to a loved one, “Do you really accept me?” But you owe it to yourself to achieve clarity and peace of mind.
Dear Eric: A number of years ago I met an old friend again and invited her and her husband to my cottage where she and I had spent some good times together over 20 years ago.
Back then I often drank a couple of too many and likewise smoked. I don't anymore. But she still does it.
During the 2 days in my cottage she drank so heavily that she could now not hold a conversation and I had to assist her walk.
When she's sober and doesn't smoke, she's smart, funny and interesting.
I invited her again last yr hoping I may very well be more tolerant, however it was worse.
She has been proactive about coming together over the past yr. At the last lunch she clearly indicated that she was invited this summer. I replied via text that it wouldn't work out this yr as a consequence of family commitments (which is partly true). However, the actual reason is their smoking and drinking.
Her response to my text was, “Are you breaking up with me?” I didn't respond.
Her life doesn't prove the way in which she had hoped. She has a really broken relationship together with her teenage son and I consider her marriage is having problems. It also seems that she doesn't have many friends anymore and her relationship together with her siblings has also broken down.
Do I disappear or prepare for the tough conversation?
Love friendship: I believe your boyfriend has had similar breakup conversations or been ghosted prior to now. And she could also be little and even very aware of the explanations for this. So a conversation may not be as bad as you fear, and it would actually result in her getting help.
Give her this chance.
As someone who used to hit the town with you, your friend may now be struggling to regulate to the brand new rhythms of your life. But from what you describe, she seems out of sync together with her own life. You are in a novel position to assist her recognize this and potentially make a change.
Don't disappear. What if you happen to were the one one who cared enough to specific concern about how their drinking was affecting them and also you?
Speak with love and without moralizing. I hope she is capable of hear you.
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