Awkwardness can arise in any social situation – listed below are a philosopher's 5 strategies for coping with it with grace

The holidays present many opportunities for awkward moments. Of course, political discussions hold lots of potential. But every time opinions diverge, when estrangements have led to ongoing divisions, or when behaviors veer toward the inappropriate, awkwardness can arise.

Awkwardness is what happens in social interactions whenever you suddenly end up with no script to guide you thru the situation. Maybe the situation is latest or surprises you. Maybe you don't know what's expected of you, otherwise you're undecided what role you play within the social drama around you. It is characterised by feelings of self-consciousness, insecurity and discomfort.

As Philosopher who studies moral psychologyI became considering awkwardness because I wanted to know how social discomfort prevents people from engaging in difficult topics and difficult conversations. Awkwardness seems to inhibit people, even when their moral values ​​suggest they need to speak up. But it also plays a positive role – it can alert people to areas where their social norms are lacking or outdated.

People often blame themselves when things get unpleasant. But awkwardness is definitely a collective failure – people aren't awkward, situations are. And they turn into uncomfortable since you don't have the resources to navigate difficult social situations.

Awkwardness is commonly confused with embarrassment, however the two differ in essential ways, as do their antidotes. Embarrassment is a response to a private failure or faux pasand the The right response is to acknowledge it, own it, and move on. Because awkwardness is attributable to a scarcity of social guidance, you possibly can attempt to anticipate and forestall it before it occurs, or you possibly can reply to it by attempting to develop higher or clearer social scripts that may make it easier to – and others – help to manage in similar situations in the long run.

After researching and writing an entire Book about awkwardnessI've come to the conclusion that we are able to't – or shouldn't – avoid this entirely. But there are just a few strategies people can use to attenuate discomfort and take care of it when it inevitably happens.

1. Know your goals, know your roles

Insecurity is the oxygen of awkwardness. Before engaging in a potentially unpleasant or contentious interaction, ask yourself: What do I would like to get out of this?

When you’re clear about your goals for the interaction, you is not going to only be higher in a position to fulfill your role in it, but you will even give clearer signals to others and help them perceive their roles within the unfolding social drama.

So when you're apprehensive things will get awkward when your uncle launches into his annual political rant, take into consideration what you would like the end result to be. Do you must persuade him that he’s incorrect? That probably won't occur. Do you would like other members of the family to feel less anxious? Do you would like your personal views to be heard?

I'm not suggesting that some foresight will make sure that things go easily or that nobody's feelings will likely be hurt. But it’s going to make it easier to feel more confident that you would be able to achieve your required end result.

2. There is not any “I” within the word “embarrassing.”

Unpleasant situations breed intense self-confidence. This is each unpleasant and counterproductive. By specializing in yourself, you will not be attuned to the people around you or the signals they’re sending – signals that would give you a way out of the unpleasant situation. So make sure that you concentrate to the opposite actors within the drama and not only your personal discomfort.

3. Plan, coordinate and be clear

People plan a lot in other areas of their lives and still expect social interactions to go easily. But like on vacation or on a hike within the woods, sometimes a conversation goes higher when approached with a map. Have some essential topics or questions ready.

And you don't need to do it alone. If you’ve concerns about broaching a sensitive topic or interacting with a very irritable guest, seek the advice of with a friend or relative.

If you're expecting to see someone with whom you’ve an unresolved relationship – an estranged member of the family, an old friend you've ghosted – attempt to make some preparations prematurely. Emails or letters may give people a probability to process reactions without offending them.

Even a planned activity on deck could make things less awkward. It doesn't need to be anything formal, like a board game. Just have just a few tasks ready for guests that may otherwise be inconveniently waiting for them – like stirring the salad dressing or putting forks on the table.

4. Laugh about it

If, despite your best efforts, you’re feeling uncomfortable, offer people a way out – they'll probably take it. This doesn't need to be significant; It might be just a little joke, a subject of small talk, and even – and provided that things get very desperate – knocking a spoon off the table to interrupt the silence.

5. Consider the alternatives

These strategies can make it easier to avoid awkwardness. But take a moment and take into consideration whether that is something you really need. Awkwardness is the results of social insecurity; it slows things down and weakens your confidence.

When it is just not present, other feelings may arise. Going public generally is a relief, but it could possibly also result in anger, sadness, and other feelings which are best saved for one more occasion.

So when things are awkward, it's price taking a take a look at what role that awkwardness plays and what might take its place when it's gone.