DEAR ABBY: My husband died of COVID in 2021. A 12 months later, when it was protected to assemble with others again, I hosted a memorial dinner in his memory.
They said, “It was for the family.” I didn't argue or attempt to persuade them that I needed them. It was terribly embarrassing when my friends and my husband's friends kept asking to fulfill my siblings.
Two years have passed because the service and three years since his death, and I can't recover from the sensation of abandonment. Although I’m cordial, I don't depend on any of them. No one seems to note my withdrawal – at the very least they don't consult with me concerning the change in my behavior.
I assume I want to “get over” it, but I can't.
RATHER SO DISAPPOINTED: Please accept my condolences on the lack of your husband. It should have been a terrible shock.
Your siblings were either very insensitive or didn’t like your husband. Avoiding his memorial service as an alternative of attending and supporting him should have been painful, and your response is comprehensible.
Healthy people don't “get over” being abandoned in times of need. I'm not saying it's OK to carry a grudge that may isolate you even further, but withdrawing seems to have been a wise and self-protective decision.
DEAR ABBY: I even have been with “Gary” for six years, but he has never proposed to me.
I’m very independent. My husband died when my children were young and I had to lift them and supply for them, which made me much more independent. In fact, there are occasions once I don't even think I would like to get married again.
Gary and I like one another. We get along well and do so much together. I do know we’re lucky to have one another in our lives, but sometimes I would like to finish our relationship because he hasn't asked me for a serious commitment and I still want to seek out someone who will commit to me.
Even though Gary says he's getting engaged, I do know that engagement isn't a magic solution either. I've been engaged before.
I attempted to interrupt up with Gary, but he never takes me seriously.
I felt this manner for many of our relationship. I'm a counselor, so I'm conversant in typical recommendations like going to therapy.
Should I stay or should I’m going? Trying to depart hasn't worked previously. I want some advice.
Tell him that after six years you wish a commitment from him and… Doing this will assist you to make clear for yourself what you wish and what you’re feeling is missing.
I don't think you wish therapy to figure this out – you simply have to be honest with yourself.
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