My hostess didn't warn me and I got here across as rude

Dear readers: The following questions and answers were first conducted in 2020.

One of the people present was someone I had met a couple of times before. (I'll call her “Jane.”) I knew that Jane had a partner named “Joan” whom I had met only years before.

At dinner, Jane sat next to a person. At one point I discovered myself staring across the table, attempting to work out if that was Jane's brother or if Joan was within the technique of turning right into a man.

I admit I feel guilty for staring, but I wanted to search out out if we had met before.

We spoke briefly afterwards they usually made no try to introduce themselves to me again.

After they left, the hostess explained that Joan was now “John” and the way much they hated having to elucidate themselves or their pronoun, which was “they.”

I attempted to joke, “I didn’t get the memo.” To which the hostess replied, “It wasn’t my job to send that memo.”

I believe the hostess could have avoided the social awkwardness with a brief, private sentence like, “Joan is John now, deal with it,” which might have been advantageous with me.

I'm still mad on the hostess for keeping us guessing about who was on the party. What do you think that?

Dear Befuddled: Let's return to kindergarten for a moment. Have you ever noticed that children don't seek advice from other children in the event that they don't know their names?

Names: We have them for a reason.

Now let's move on to this hostess. Who invites a gaggle of previously unknown (or only semi-known) people to their home after which doesn't introduce them (or re-introduce them) to one another originally of the evening? I mean, should you're making a cassoulet, in fact you may introduce people to one another.

Now, to you. Why didn't you introduce yourself to people because you didn't have the courtesy of a hostess? “Hello, I'm Befuddled Guest. But please, you can call me Befuddled. Tell me your name?”

If the person responds, “We've met before” (I hear this lots), you may say, as I all the time do, “Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot. Can you remind me of your name?”

I agree that it is just not the hostess's job to deliver the announcement of a guest's gender reassignment before the party. It is the hostess's job to introduce her guests to one another.

If you understand an individual's name, you don't should ponder or guess about their gender. Granted, “John” might be male. “Courtney” may very well be a person or a lady. But gender identity doesn't matter because should you know an individual's name, you may just address them by their name, consider them a fellow human being, and go from there.

Dear Amy: I wanted to reply to the recent letter from Befuddled, a husband lamenting the estrangement between his wife and her sister. Your advice was beautifully written.

I even have been a nurse for about 45 years and have witnessed the horror of unresolved estrangements that may last for many years.

I could list too many situations in end-of-life discussions where it was appropriate to withdraw life support.

However, when a member of the family becomes estranged from a loved one, any hope of reconciliation is lost with the death of that person. It is precisely these individuals who often struggle with what is named “complex grief.”

As nurses, we now have heard so many heart-breaking stories, each waiting for the opposite to be the primary to call and apologize.

Of course, in lots of cases nobody can remember exactly what was said so a few years ago that led to such a rift between the lovers.

Life is brief. Regrets can tear us apart.

Dear nurses: Alienation appears to be a very heartbreaking trend (no less than within the questions I've been asked). Your perspective is so beneficial. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I hope your words encourage people to reflect on their relationships and, where possible, seek ways of reconciliation.

Dear Amy: “Passively Helpful Guy” seems to consider that he’s trapped in an countless loop of offers of help when he offers to assist others.

Yes, we should always all learn to ask for help – and in addition learn the right way to offer it.

Dear believers: Exactly. Thank you.

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