My wife says she went to a motel because she was drained

DEAR ABBY: My wife works 2pm to 10pm. The other day she left me a voicemail: “I'm super tired and I'm not coming home tonight. I'm going to stay at a motel.”

She swears she didn't go together with anyone – she just went there and slept. I'm unsure if I should imagine her. I'm also unsure what to do next. Help me please.

DEAR HUSBAND: You would think your wife can be used to her work hours. What she did is very unusual and dear. Can she produce the motel receipt? If so, let it slide – this time.

If this happens again, you might want to think about hiring a personal investigator to make it easier to determine the reason behind her sudden change in behavior.

DEAR ABBY: I'm still obsessive about my old flame, though we broke up 21 years ago.

We grew up in a poor factory town where I used to be a frustrated, mediocre athlete. She was a cheerleader. We each had fundamentalist religious views, which, combined with poor access to contraception, led us to “save ourselves for marriage” during our five-plus years of standard dating. Unlike most of our peers, we were capable of go to school.

Around the time I graduated from highschool, when a lot of my friends were getting married, she met a minor league baseball player, soon after traveled with him to a different state, and gave up her virginity.

Soon after, she had a summer affair with a fantastic college football player after which with a much older divorced lawyer.

I pretended to look good while continuing my demanding graduate program, but I used to be physically sick and so extremely depressed and disillusioned that I even had suicidal thoughts.

By likelihood, I met her again 15 years later. We were each married and he or she was very involved in Christian ministry. I told her without prejudice that her affairs had been very painful.

We had a pleasant lunch and parted on good terms, but she showed no remorse and dismissed all of it as “just sex.”

Abby, in spite of everything this time, I'm still confused. I don't know what I need. Maybe I need revenge.

Am I crazy for holding out this long, or do others carry their pain with them for the remaining of their lives?

LOVE THAT DOESN’T SHAKE YOU: Yes, some people carry their pain with them for the remaining of their lives in the event that they don't take care of it.

My friend, you don't need revenge – it’s good to stop reliving the past. It's a waste of energy. If you may't do that on your individual, counseling will help.

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